Thursday, September 21, 2006
was very tired after 3 days for exams. its like marathon.
so tired. didnt really have a touch from God on tuesday. so was like drained off my manna and everything when i reached back home. then i just took sometime to worship God. God
never fails to fill and top up my tank of spiritual mana. was
so touched and
refreshed.
from dryness and wilted-ness to being soaked and rejuvenated.
dilution to saturation.
how can people live a day without God? Godless living is like so
scary. life without any support. its like being thrust in the middle of the open seas, being in a small sampan. then you dont have any map, no compass, no sails. you just float, float and float. then you try to direct and navgate yourself by using your hands as a paddle with never works. your hand either drop off your arm due to the fatigue, or that the boat never moves, cause the force you create is not enough to overcome the wave currents. you need God, you need the motor, you need the sail, you need the map and compass.
you
need Him.
express yourself {12:02 AM}
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
erusserp rekooc.
yes you said it was tough.
express yourself {10:14 PM}
Sunday, September 17, 2006
didnt go out today, but simply slept at home till afternoon. then i woke up with an utmost nostalgy, thinking about my memories and past, thinking about the fun and etc about my life before christ, before i started serving.
=/
one word. SIAN.
melancholy flooded me again.
had completely no mood to study, no mood to do anything. like just lie on the bed and rot away. and i know la, its not so good to continue to dwell in those memories la. but i was kinda etched and stuck into it and was trying to find my way out of that purposelessness. that feeling without any motivation to do anything, feeling like sitting beside someone to whine and die off. lol. and the weather was hot, dry and scorching. enough to wither any flower. monday blues. grahhh. i want to bite someone. such a horrible God-less moment.
then i had a feeling to go toilet and did so. then i just sat at the toilet cover, doing my stuff. and i was thinking and thinking.
and one thought stroke me.
yes, the world is fun, the world is interesting. but you dont get accomplishment out of it. all your fun and excitement dont fulfill you. that God-shaped hole in your heart. it'd be like trying to feed a snorlax till he was full with small cubes of sugar. and they dont last or sustain. as if you can have fun all the time. its proven true, with the 2183798217319827 number of people you find online or at home or somewhere being bored. you can be sick and bored of fun eventually, no matter how fun it is.
BUT. what i do for Jesus lasts. not just the crown, glory that we all speak about. but as you do your best to lve for God, to build your christ-like character. you try to have fun, and they are fun for some time. everything that you find enjoyment will not last. like that ps2 game which kept you on for 3mths everynight as you try to complete it. but aft that, after 1 year of playing, you'd confirmed be sick of it. but the character that i've slogged all i am will last. as i build it today, yes it'll last for 1 year, 2 year, 10 years, and forever more, for eternal. and my Father will reward and praise me greatly for what I've done, for it pleases Him. that is what i call, true joy. like, the one who matters so much to you, praise you. the one who loves you, despite all the horrible things you've done to Him, still loves you.
everytime you do something wrong, hate him, become angry, jealous, impure thoughts, hatred and bitterness towards someone, you take that whip with lots of spikes, a cat-o-nine-tail, and whip it at His son. thereafter, you pull it back, tearing the flesh as the spikes get jerked out of the part where it sunk it. [it is called, flogging.]
gory eh? no i'm not trying to sell some nice novel, anyway my language is not up to it. but, you get the image of what you do to His SON?
when you scratch someone's car, that person is angry enough to bang you with his car. you step on someone's cat, he/she is angry enough to scowl strings of horrible words at you.
but when you flog that person's son, he simply does nothing revengeful about it. nothing. unwillingly, he implemented the consequences of the bad that you've done, which he so clearly stated when everything started and was new. but thereafter he forgives you. not just that, he gave you true joy, away from mood swings, "fun" that really never runs out. he gave you new life. he gave you a purpose, away from all the monday blues.
then instantaneously, my mind changed. i felt reliefed. no more sian-ness. [yays!] then thereafter, i made a little prayer and God's presence simply filled me so much. was restored. felt SO MUCH better.
what a short experience of Godless living.
so tell me, how am i susposed to keep God out of my life? I need him. i dont wanna leave him.
you need him too. =)
away from that, sianness. into that acomplishment.
express yourself {9:59 PM}
